Yesterday was quite overwhelming. I honestly had a hard day dealing with it all. I came home and felt weak and faint from the stress. I am sure that my blood pressure was through the roof. It all was fine until I asked someone close to me about how he had dealt with the fear and emotion of his own cancer when he dealt with it and he started talking about accepting death, life is short, mortality and G**. Well if you know me, you know that I am terrified of death and that this is the last thing to talk with me about. Even when I am writing this, I am getting anxious but I will plod on. I ended up watching some crap TV to try to calm myself down, ate a pretty good dinner from this organic health food restaurant in the city, "Good Health" and went to bed early. Rather than falling asleep, I surfed the net and drifted away from cancer for awhile.
Today I am heading to the doc for all of my pre-op stuff. When I woke up, I had an email from my surgeon asking if everything was okay and if I was set for the surgery. He's a great guy and follows up regularly with me. I will be getting a past patient's contact info today of someone that he has operated on so that I have someone to talk with. This should help ease my fears some. Well, time to get ready to go.