Friday, April 24, 2009

The Results Are In....

Okay so the wait is finally over and I can relax for another three months. I have had no movement in my PSA. I am still registering at less than 0.05 which is okay by me. I wish that they would say less than 0.01 but this is what the machine is calibrated at they said. I guess this is still considered undetectable so as I said before, it is onward and upward! I'm almost a year out since my surgery. My cancerversary date, which I use as my surgery date, is May 12th. I'll go into it with a good feeling in my heart and head. Till next time....

Waiting for My Results

Well yesterday was my latest PSA test after my Robotic Radical Prostatectomy and today is that usual "sick at my stomach" waiting period. I hate this because it truly is like reliving that dreadful day every three months when they first told me that I had cancer. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I can somehow keep cancer from coming back, I'm actually quite glad that I ended up having this horrible disease. It has made me a better person, given me a complete new perspective and appreciation of life as well as giving me the opportunity to have started my non-profit: "Voices of Survivors" which means more to me than anything that I have ever done in my life.

With all of that said, I sit and wait for my cell phone to ring. I'm obviously hoping for good news and be told that my PSA is undetectable but it is so hard not to sit and expect to hear the worst that being that my PSA is rising. Oh the mental games that we play with ourselves can be quite excruciating but we make it through it. They say that we are given exactly what we can handle but to be honest lately in my life, I have been thrown so many curve balls, I'm oft times questioning that but I guess since I'm still here and not in a loony bin, it may be true. Onwards and upwards and I'll just sit here and wait for my results. I'll post again as soon as I get the call from my doctor.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

It's Been One Year...

Wow...Time has really flown by...well not really, most of the time it seems that this has been the longest year of my life. I guess people really like to just say that saying: "Time has really flown by" for some reason but like I said, not this year. I remember at 4:30 last year on this day I was sitting in a doctor's office whom I had never met and my results were faxed over from my other doctor's assistant before he had the chance to give me my results. I know that this bothered him but it was what it was. When this new doctor picked up the fax, I could see it in his expression, "Crap, I have to tell this guy that he has cancer and I've only talked to him for less than a minute". No matter how many times a doctor has to say this, I think it still has to bother them because they know how much it is going to hurt the patient and their family, he knows the fear that they will feel and he has to help calm them down. He did a pretty good job but I still went out in the hall and broke down crying. I had to pull it together and go back in and talk with him about what I was faced with.

Later that afternoon, my actual doctor called me and apologized that I had to find out that way. He scheduled an appointment for me to go into his office the next day to discuss all of my options and so this blog began. It actually began the day that I was diagnosed: April 9th, 2008. It's been a hell of a year on many levels from personal to business with problems that we have had in the economic markets. My life has been dramatically impacted by all of this in ways that I never could imagine. Through it all, I have found true happiness and strength. I've started a non-profit foundation called "Voices of Survivors" which is dedicated to the exploration of what 'survivorship' means to the individual through the various documentary formats. If you haven't had a chance to check out the website, I highly suggest that you do because the videos are quite powerful as each 'survivor' shares their 'voice' about what it means to them to be a 'survivor'.

This seems like an odd statement to make but if cancer doesn't ever come back, I am glad that I got it because it actually has made me a better person. My life oddly enough is more satisfying now with all that I am doing in the cancer community, especially with "Voices of Survivors". On May 12th, 2010, I will embark on a solo bicycle tour across America following the TransAmerica Bike Trail to meet fellow 'survivors' and have them share their 'voices' with "Voices of Survivors" to help further promote 'survivorship'. This will be a fundraiser for the foundation but also an educational tour. I will document the entire thing on the "Voices of Survivors" website and blog.

So that's about it for where I am now. I'm waiting on my next PSA test which is coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all comes back fine. I'm feeling great. From a sexual functioning perspective, I'm doing great. I've adjusted to the "dry orgasms" and really don't need any Cialis but still take it occasionally just to make sure that all is in proper order for the future. Anything that I can do to help with that, I'm all for it. The only odd thing about orgasms now is sometimes I have a pain in the ass, literally, from muscle contractions or something. I'm not sure what they are and will ask the doctor but I've read that sometimes post radical prostatectomy this happens. From a continence standpoint, I'm good there as well. The post-pissing drip is a bit more than before the surgery which is okay but my underwear are dry throughout the day which is great. I hated wearing those depends when I first got out of surgery for a the first few months. If you have this surgery, make sure that you do your Kegal exercises. They work! Okay...that's a wrap for tonight. I'm off and running.