The Results Are In....

Okay so the wait is finally over and I can relax for another three months. I have had no movement in my PSA. I am still registering at less than 0.05 which is okay by me. I wish that they would say less than 0.01 but this is what the machine is calibrated at they said. I guess this is still considered undetectable so as I said before, it is onward and upward! I'm almost a year out since my surgery. My cancerversary date, which I use as my surgery date, is May 12th. I'll go into it with a good feeling in my heart and head. Till next time....

Waiting for My Results

Well yesterday was my latest PSA test after my Robotic Radical Prostatectomy and today is that usual "sick at my stomach" waiting period. I hate this because it truly is like reliving that dreadful day every three months when they first told me that I had cancer. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I can somehow keep cancer from coming back, I'm actually quite glad that I ended up having this horrible disease. It has made me a better person, given me a complete new perspective and appreciation of life as well as giving me the opportunity to have started my non-profit: "Voices of Survivors" which means more to me than anything that I have ever done in my life.

With all of that said, I sit and wait for my cell phone to ring. I'm obviously hoping for good news and be told that my PSA is undetectable but it is so hard not to sit and expect to hear the worst that being that my PSA is rising. Oh the mental games that we play with ourselves can be quite excruciating but we make it through it. They say that we are given exactly what we can handle but to be honest lately in my life, I have been thrown so many curve balls, I'm oft times questioning that but I guess since I'm still here and not in a loony bin, it may be true. Onwards and upwards and I'll just sit here and wait for my results. I'll post again as soon as I get the call from my doctor.

It's Been One Year...

Wow...Time has really flown by...well not really, most of the time it seems that this has been the longest year of my life. I guess people really like to just say that saying: "Time has really flown by" for some reason but like I said, not this year. I remember at 4:30 last year on this day I was sitting in a doctor's office whom I had never met and my results were faxed over from my other doctor's assistant before he had the chance to give me my results. I know that this bothered him but it was what it was. When this new doctor picked up the fax, I could see it in his expression, "Crap, I have to tell this guy that he has cancer and I've only talked to him for less than a minute". No matter how many times a doctor has to say this, I think it still has to bother them because they know how much it is going to hurt the patient and their family, he knows the fear that they will feel and he has to help calm them down. He did a pretty good job but I still went out in the hall and broke down crying. I had to pull it together and go back in and talk with him about what I was faced with.

Later that afternoon, my actual doctor called me and apologized that I had to find out that way. He scheduled an appointment for me to go into his office the next day to discuss all of my options and so this blog began. It actually began the day that I was diagnosed: April 9th, 2008. It's been a hell of a year on many levels from personal to business with problems that we have had in the economic markets. My life has been dramatically impacted by all of this in ways that I never could imagine. Through it all, I have found true happiness and strength. I've started a non-profit foundation called "Voices of Survivors" which is dedicated to the exploration of what 'survivorship' means to the individual through the various documentary formats. If you haven't had a chance to check out the website, I highly suggest that you do because the videos are quite powerful as each 'survivor' shares their 'voice' about what it means to them to be a 'survivor'.

This seems like an odd statement to make but if cancer doesn't ever come back, I am glad that I got it because it actually has made me a better person. My life oddly enough is more satisfying now with all that I am doing in the cancer community, especially with "Voices of Survivors". On May 12th, 2010, I will embark on a solo bicycle tour across America following the TransAmerica Bike Trail to meet fellow 'survivors' and have them share their 'voices' with "Voices of Survivors" to help further promote 'survivorship'. This will be a fundraiser for the foundation but also an educational tour. I will document the entire thing on the "Voices of Survivors" website and blog.

So that's about it for where I am now. I'm waiting on my next PSA test which is coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all comes back fine. I'm feeling great. From a sexual functioning perspective, I'm doing great. I've adjusted to the "dry orgasms" and really don't need any Cialis but still take it occasionally just to make sure that all is in proper order for the future. Anything that I can do to help with that, I'm all for it. The only odd thing about orgasms now is sometimes I have a pain in the ass, literally, from muscle contractions or something. I'm not sure what they are and will ask the doctor but I've read that sometimes post radical prostatectomy this happens. From a continence standpoint, I'm good there as well. The post-pissing drip is a bit more than before the surgery which is okay but my underwear are dry throughout the day which is great. I hated wearing those depends when I first got out of surgery for a the first few months. If you have this surgery, make sure that you do your Kegal exercises. They work! Okay...that's a wrap for tonight. I'm off and running.

Catching Up...

Well it has been awhile since I've been back here on my blog to update it but I guess that's what happens post treatment. I'm am now recommitting myself to be better at keeping up with my blog. Since I last wrote, I ended up having a few freak outs due to the large volume of study data that has been released lately on prostate screenings, procedures etc. A little internet knowledge can be quite dangerous as we all know so I try to keep myself in check and talk with friends in the medical research arena to give me better ideas of who is doing the studies etc. Freak outs are at bay now.

I have started to have a new problem in the past few months. This is a problem that I'm not even sure why it is happening. I have started having intense pain in my rectum/pelvic floor after orgasms either during sexual intercourse or masturbation. It doesn't seem to matter. Initially I thought that it was a position that could have caused it but it really doesn't matter. The pain subsides within 5 minutes or so but it is very intense when it happens. I have my next PSA test in a few weeks and I will be discussing this with my oncologist/surgeon then. I probably will write him a letter as well to see what he thinks that it could be.

Of course I have already looked online to see if I could find any clue. It seems that it does happen to some men. One explanation was that there are seminal vesicle remnants left behind. They recommend a coil MRI to see if that is the case. I am dreading that one because it is not a fun test in the slightest. That was what they used when they looked at my prostate post biopsy pre-surgery and I don't want to do it again. If I have to, I will though.

On the erection side, I've been waking up with erections again which is awesome. I am fully functioning and my continence is very good. Every now and then I still deal with a couple of drops leakage if I'm tired and cough or strain but otherwise, I'm a-okay! Well it is late and I must hit the hay but will definitely be better about being on here regularly again.

Doctor's Visit This Week...

So this week I went into my surgeon/oncologists office to talk about my test results from the PSA test. I talked about this some before in my last blog posting but I'll recap here. My first test after surgery I had a PSA of 0.00 and the following was 0.01. I wasn't concerned about that because that was so minimal that it could have been a calibration error and it was still reading as undetectable. Now granted, I'm not a doctor nor am I a lab tech running these tests so I freaked out when I saw it go up even that tiny amount. Well I am reassured that this is nothing and so last week I had my latest PSA results given to me and it was less than 0.05. In my head, I started to panic because the PSA level was rising and I knew that cancer was back. With everything else going on in my life, that was the last thing that I wanted to hear. So I sat with a week of panicking even though the nurse at the doctor's office assured me that this was not bad and that it was still reading as undetectable. I just couldn't understand why it was a higher reading than the last time.

I make my way to the doctor's office this week to discuss this with the doc and he says it is the way that the machine was calibrated and that it wasn't detecting anything below 0.05. I asked why one time it is calibrated for one level of sensitivity and one time it is another. He assured me that I am not be concerned as I am still reading as undetectable which is good. I'm going to go with this and be happy. Having a focal positive margin always keeps me on my toes and I'm less than a year out from my surgery. In fact my surgery was on May 12, 2008 so I'm only 8 months out so far. I can't wait until I hit my 1 year cancerversary! That's all for today.

The Results are In...

Well I got my results back on Friday and as always, I'm confused. I got a call from the nurse and she gave me the news that my PSA test came back with a less than 0.05 which is undetectable but I'm confused as to why it has gone from 0.00 to 0.01 and now to less than 0.05. She couldn't give me the exact number that it was but just that it was under that. I'm wondering if that it had to do with the machine's sensitivity and calibration that day or what. I will see my doctor on Tuesday for the old finger up the butt test (DRE for you medical buffs) I believe as well as a three month consultation. The only thing is that with life being the way that it has with the market etc. it is actually a 4 month check up. I lost track of time and ended up having my PSA a month late. Good thing everything is looking okay. Well that's all for today. Time to get back to editing a new 'survivor' video for "Voices of Survivors".

Ah The Vampires Were Out Today!

So today was another wonderful day at the doctor this morning. Anytime a person can get up and have their blood drawn before 9 a.m. is living the high life. Okay, I kid. That sucks! I was lucky though that I had a great nurse who was able to hit the vein with no problem. As always, I didn't sleep the night before dealing with nerves etc. I'm feeling 90% sure that everything is going to be okay. My last PSA was 0.01 and the one before was 0.00 so that small increase could have been just a calibration error or nothing at all. I'm praying that this one comes in at the same or back to 0.00. The only thing that ever worries me is the fact that I had a focal positive margin so there is a 15% chance or so that it returns. Every three months having to relive this is truly a nightmare but at least I'm above ground to relive this nightmare.

From a sexually functioning standpoint, I'm on top of the world! My surgery was on May 12, 2008 and everything is going swimmingly...well..no swimmers but you know what I mean...the boy is fully functional! I still take the Cialis at 10 mg one time every three days but honestly don't feel that I need it at all. I had an amazing surgeon who spared every possible nerve and as you may have read before, I woke up the day after surgery with an erection and it has been perfect every since!

So last time I wrote, I had blogged about my project: "Voices of Survivors". Well the project is fully off of the ground and it is going great. The response that I am having is phenomenal. I spent the holidays in San Francisco and shot seven more 'survivors' whilst I was there and their stories were amazing. This weekend I will be shooting another person and will have that uploaded on the site as well.

That's about all that is going on in my life right. I'm not sure if I get my results back tomorrow or on Monday but fingers are crossed! I'll blog about it when I get them and try to be much more diligent about my blogging about my cancer.

Catching Up...

Well it has been awhile and so much has gone on in my life since my last post. Let's see, the economy has shit the bed and basically made my life a living hell, I've gone in for a colonoscopy after finding out that there was a thickening of my sigmoid colon and came back with no concrete reason for why this has happened other than they don't suspect it to be cancer related and there are no polyps hanging out in my intestinal track, otherwise known as my poop channel for those who enjoy gross humor..which at times is needed to deal with some of this stuff. I believe that I had mentioned in my last blog or so that my 2nd PSA after my surgery came back with a 0.01 reading. It had gone up from 0.00 but that could actually be a calibration error in the machine so we will see again in January what is going on. The old wait and see stuff really does stink but having a focal positive margin kind of keeps one on his toes.

Everything else seems to be working fine. The incontinence is under control. Every now and then I may have a slight leak when I'm stressed and exhausted but otherwise it's okay! I do have to say that before I could hold it for quite awhile when I had to go to the bathroom but now it kills to try to hold it for very long. Also when I finish urinating I really have to shake the old boy to stop the last drips from coming out. So many times I've put him away too early and had a bit of an accident to contend with. Lesson learned a few times on that one. Oh and as far as the erection side of this process, well that's "solid" as they say. I have decided to get on the cialis 20 mg (36 hour) pills for awhile just to make sure that all is in perfect working order (except for the dry orgasm part but hey...I'm still alive).

On to other news. I have turned all of this tragic stuff into something positive and have launched a new project: "Voices of Survivors". It is in the beginning stages now but I will be expanding it to become a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization next year to help fully realize the vision. Take a look at it if you get a chance. The first 8 "Survivor" videos are up and tonight I will be putting up 4 more. I spent the afternoon with the guys from "I'm Too Young For This", a great young adult cancer advocacy group, shooting Matthew, Jack, Aaron and Tom for the project. Well that's about it for today.

Today's doctors' visits were uneventful and not very "Sham-Wow"...

I'm sure that you have all seen that irritating commercial that has this guy on there who they must have grabbed off of the street with the personality of the greasiest of a greasy used car salesmen, no offense to any greasy used car salesmen out there reading my blog or non-greasy used car salesmen. Well that guy is about as irritating as having to go to the doctor on a regular basis. Come on, they already ripped my organs out, what else do they want? My soul??? Well my first visit was really just giving a urine sample for a urinalysis test to make sure my kidneys are functioning properly. I seem to be having a bit of an issue with them but I'm thinking that it is probably nothing big but it is much better to be safe than sorry. Nothing scary came up on the CT Scan results so now it is more of a test to see if they are functioning properly.

The second visit was with my new gastroenterologist to go over why I am having this severe pain in my abdomen and to talk about the thickening of my sigmoid colon and the narrowing of it because of this. Once again, nothing that I am overly worried about but I will be damned if I am not diligent about getting myself checked out after this last bout with cancer. I am awaiting a call back from his office now to schedule a colonoscopy which will take place in 3 weeks or so. I will have the urinalysis results back in a week. Until then, I'm on the wait and see.

This Week Should Be Interesting....

I can't believe that I have 4 doctor's appointments in one week. Tomorrow I have to go to my original Urologist who discovered my prostate cancer because I am having some odd thing going on with my kidneys or something. For the past week I have been passing white sediment in my urine so we are going to do a urinalysis. After I leave his office, I will go upstairs in the hospital to my new friend, the Gastroenterologist, to discuss the findings from a couple of weeks ago on my CT Scan. It appears that I have thickening of my Sigmoid Colon. Oh joy! On Tuesday I am supposed to see my Surgeon/Oncologist but more than likely will push that off since I just saw him a couple of weeks ago but who knows, maybe I'll keep the appointment. Finally on Friday I get to see my new primary care physician that is supposed to be one of the top guys out there for me. He is actually my urologist's doctor so I trust that he will be amazing. So that's it for me this week. All of this after catching a cold on my birthday this past Friday. Let's just say that lately, I have one hell of a life. Let's not get into the personal side of it, that's truly insane lately.

Finally I received my results from the CT Scan...

Well when it rains it pours as they say. I was on hold for awhile waiting to hear back from my oncologist and finally did yesterday. The results weren't too scary but there is a concern...we'll see how much soon enough. My kidneys, pancreas and liver all looked to be in fine working order given that I only had a non-contrast exam. Good thing, no kidney stones or cancer seen on those organs, not that I thought that there would be. One thing that they did notice was an unusual thickening of the mural walls of my Sigmoid Colon and a narrowing of the tube. Now I have to go to a gastroenterologist to have more tests done to see what is going on. I have been in excrutiating pain for the last month or so so I am glad to finally get this figured out.

When I called the doctor, I was told that he had a waiting list dragging me back to December for an appointment! There is no way I can have this unresolved in my head until then so they said if I could have my doctor call in then they could possibly move me up some on the waiting list. My doctor called them and I should have a new date and time by early next week. We'll see how far up they were able to move my appointment date.

Last night I was in so much pain that I drank a bottle of the dreaded Magnesium Citrate. Oh what a wonderful night I had. I was still on the toilet at 4:30 this morning and when I woke up I had to visit the royal throne a few more times. As I was lying in bed goofing on on the "Planet Cancer" website I thought about how often doctors seem to want to poke around in my ass. I swear, there must be freakin' gold up there because every damn one of them wants to go exploring in there. I think I will put a "No Spelunking" sign up next time I visit one. Well that's it for tonight.

Waiting on the Results...

Well I'm back again on the old blog waiting on my results. I honestly thought I would have heard back from my Oncologist by now but haven't. I'll give his office a call tomorrow to see what's going on. I'm going to go with the old: "I haven't heard anything so it can't be too bad" attitude! I have still been having the pain in my stomach and back so I want to have the results back sooner rather than later. Give that I had only a slight rise in my PSA level since the last one post-surgery, I highly doubt it is my Cancer rearing its evil head again. I hope it is nothing more than just a kidney stone. We'll see.

It's Been Awhile...but I'm Back...

Well I guess I should try to catch up on what all has happened since my last time on here. I've had my 3 month post-surgery PSA test and it went up from 0.00 to 0.01. That is still within the acceptable/negligible range so I'm okay even though I don't like that it went up at all. I will be a bit more diligent about my tests and may consider every 2 months even though it is only recommended every 3 months. We'll see how that pans out.

About a month ago, I had a little blood in my urine and I may have passed a kidney stone so now I am watching to see what happens with that. Today I went in for a CT scan and let me tell you, I hated being back in the hospital again for tests. Drinking barium is the worst...well maybe not the worst because shortly after drinking the barium they shoved this tube up my ass and filled my rectum with fluid. Who knows what that was for but I can tell you that I had diarrhea the rest of the day and was wiped out from the whole process. They kept asking me if I knew what they were testing me for and I said I wasn't sure. I asked them and they would just ask me the same thing back. I felt like I was in an Abbott and Costello skit. Oh well...we'll see next week what they find or don't find.

When I was last on here, I was complaining about still having to wear pads because of the incontinence issues that I was dealing with. I can proudly say that those pads are now a thing of the past! Yes, I'm pad free!!! Woohooo!!! I'm thrilled to not be diaper-man anymore. Granted Diaper-man was an awesome superhero on a great cartoon I watched growing up but he wasn't the one that I aspired to be later in life. So that's about it for now. I'll try to be back on here more often. I won't try, I will be back on here more often.

Pad Free Days....Dream or Reality???

Well, I've talked a lot about my incontinence after the surgery which is a normal thing. I'm supposed to do my Kegel exercises regularly but to be honest I tend to forget with all that is going on in life. I'm sure that if I would be better about following my regiment this little problem would pass faster than it is. It is getting better though and yesterday I forgot to put a pad on and I was dry all day! Now I pretty much slept all day and laid around the house but the point is I was pad free. I will attempt this again today just to see how I do. I won't try it during the week yet as I'm in the office and couldn't deal with having a big wet spot appear in my pants in front of everyone. That would pretty much do me in. So I have hope now that this will soon just be a wet memory.

Getting Old Body Back Now

Okay so prior to cancer and life taking over from a work sense I was in amazing shape but with work stress and more recently the past few months dealing with cancer, I've gotten out of shape. Last night I was looking around in some of my old folders on my computer and found a picture from a couple of years ago that really upset me and inspired me to say "Screw Cancer" and get back to the old me.

I was recently given the go ahead to get back on my bike so that's what I've been doing and am looking forward to riding in the NYC Century ride coming up in September but I really want to be in the best shape of my life now. Riding has been interesting. The first day out, I was really sore in the area where my surgery was done. I had to literally stand the last 3 miles of my ride because it hurt too much to sit down. It has since gotten better.

In regards to the incontinence, I'm almost past that. I've even had a few days I forgot to put on the old depends pad. I'm not comfortable enough yet to go an entire day without one but I may try it next week. We'll see.

It Has Been a Little Over a Week...

Well it has been a little over a week since I last posted on here and felt that it was about time to put down all that has happened lately. Last Friday I had a little freak out. I had emailed my initial doctor whom introduced me to my surgeon to ask about his thoughts on my pathology report. He said that given the focal positive margin that I have, there is a 20-30% chance that it will return at some point. That really hit me hard given that I had an undetectable PSA reading on my first blood test after the surgery. He said that he wouldn't rush to give me radiation therapy at this point given the odds but we will watch the PSA now going forward. I knew that already but it really sucked to hear.

On happier news, I was given the thumbs up to get back on my bike. So that's exactly what I did this week. I saddled up on Sunday after a 5.5 mile walk and rode for 12.4 miles. It was great until the last 3 miles when my legs were shot and I was sore as could be where the surgery was performed. A 12 mile ride shouldn't do anything to me as I rode quite a bit before the surgery. I rested a few days and saddled up again last night and road another 12.2 miles (2 laps around central park) and I felt fine! No soreness, not exhausted, nothing. I could have actually ridden at least another lap around the park but will hold off so I can ride tomorrow. Sunday I will ride for 18.3 miles. The goal is to ride in the NYC Century Ride on September 7th. That's about it for now.

Wow...Time Flies When You are Having Fun...

Having fun? Well if having fun is still battling the daily battle of slight incontinence then you are damn right I am having fun! Okay, so I'm being a bit sarcastic but I find that this helps at times when I get frustrated with this. Today I had a rough one, I ended up having old faithful strike towards the end of the day and right down my damn leg! I could lie and say it didn't bother me but to be honest it did. I had actually been doing quite well and could have even done without a pad a few days last week but this weekend I took a road trip out of town to look at a new house I am looking at moving into and I guess I pushed myself too hard or something. I also got lax on my Kegel exercises and that in conjunction with my exhaustion was a recipe for wet underwear!

This week I am going to get back on target and focus more on the exercises and give myself some breathing room to relax and refocus. I seemed to do better when I can do that. I hope that next blog entry finds me with dry drawers and something truly positive to report!

First Blood Test Result Since Surgery..

Well before I get into the results, I need to say that I had the most amazing moment on Sunday. Very shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer, I met a person on Facebook who became my mentor during this whole process as he had just gone through the process a couple of months earlier. Without his constant online friendship, this would have been totally unbearable. He was always there for me when I was feeling low. Well on Sunday, he and his wife were in town. I got to meet up with him with my wife and it was great. It felt like seeing an old friend whom I hadn't seen in a very long time. It was like seeing family.

This week was a stressful week for me as I had my first blood test since my surgery, which was to set my baseline for the tests for the rest of my life. I had the test on Tuesday and had 24 hours to wait for my results. As usual the staff at my surgeon's office was amazing. Only this time, the nurse was a bit sadistic as I swear she chose the tiniest vein possible to draw the blood. It hurt like crazy!!! lol She laughed when I screamed. She's an awesome person so I forgave her for trying to kill me. After the blood was drawn, she told me that if I hear her voice on the phone everything was okay. If I heard someone else's on the I was in trouble.

So the next day comes and I'm in a meeting and see that I missed a call from the doctor's office and no message was left. Okay, that scared me as I assumed there was no way it could be good if they didn't leave a message. I hit redial on my cell and I hear the nurse's voice who drew my blood. A huge relief came over me. I almost jumped out of my skin. She told me the PSA came back 0.00! It doesn't get any better than that. So basically all of the cancer is gone or if there is any left it is too small at this point to register a PSA level. I will have to monitor my PSA for the rest of my life. I will do this every three months as I know that there is a 30% chance it can come back given that I had a Focal Positive Margin but for now, I'm going to live La Vida Loca! I will stay with all of my lifestyle/diet changes going forward as that will only help me prolong my life with or without cancer.

I am now motivated to begin a new project and will talk more about this as it develops.

"On Living" by Nazim Hikmet

This morning I was given a poem to read by a friend whom I was very close to at one point in my life. She is a poet herself with very discerning taste. This reflects that as it hits the nail on the head that all of us Cancer Survivors/Patients need to reflect on.

On Living by Nazim Hikmet Translated by Mutlu Konuk and Randy Blasing

I Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel, for example-- I mean without looking for something beyond and above living, I mean living must be your whole occupation. Living is no laughing matter: you must take it seriously, so much so and to such a degree that, for example, your hands tied behind your back, your back to the wall, or else in a laboratory in your white coat and safety glasses, you can die for people-- even for people whose faces you've never seen, even though you know living is the most real, the most beautiful thing. I mean, you must take living so seriously that even at seventy, for example, you'll plant olive trees-- and not for your children, either, but because although you fear death you don't believe it, because living, I mean, weighs heavier. II Let's say we're seriously ill, need surgery-- which is to say we might not get up from the white table. Even though it's impossible not to feel sad about going a little too soon, we'll still laugh at the jokes being told, we'll look out the window to see if it's raining, or still wait anxiously for the latest newscast. . . Let's say we're at the front-- for something worth fighting for, say. There, in the first offensive, on that very day, we might fall on our face, dead. We'll know this with a curious anger, but we'll still worry ourselves to death about the outcome of the war, which could last years. Let's say we're in prison and close to fifty, and we have eighteen more years, say, before the iron doors will open. We'll still live with the outside, with its people and animals, struggle and wind-- I mean with the outside beyond the walls. I mean, however and wherever we are, we must live as if we will never die. III This earth will grow cold, a star among stars and one of the smallest, a gilded mote on blue velvet-- I mean this, our great earth. This earth will grow cold one day, not like a block of ice or a dead cloud even but like an empty walnut it will roll along in pitch-black space . . . You must grieve for this right now --you have to feel this sorrow now-- for the world must be loved this much if you're going to say "I lived". . .

From Poems of Nazim Hikmet, translated by Randy Blasing and Mutlu Konuk, published by Persea Books. Copyright © 1994 by Randy Blasing and Mutlu Konuk.

"I'm Too Young For This" Gala....

Well last night I had a great time. I went to the "I'm Too Young For This" Gala. If you aren't familiar with the organization, go check out imtooyoungforthis.org. It is a great organization bringing cancer awareness to a much forgotten and ignored group, the age group of 20-40. I'm a little older as I'm 41 but hey, my cancer was growing in me before I hit 40! Honestly, I was a bit shy when I went in which is totally out of character for me and was about to leave but I saw a friend from college who I hadn't seen for years. He came there with his wife to support me during this period of my life. After settling down into a booth in the back of the room, we had a great time and I'm truly glad that I stayed.

I picked up a "Stupid Cancer" t-shirt last night and took it out walking around today after work and everyone on the street was looking it. This older couple stopped me and told me how much they loved it. They wanted to get one themselves. It was awesome! I feel that this shirt will be an opening to talk with others about what I've gone and am going through which may help save someone or at the very least give them some info on a great group.

Now on to my cancer. How's that for a segue? Maybe not the smoothest but that's all that I have for today. This week started out with blood in my urine from pushing myself too hard but finally subsided. The problem is that now I've found myself feeling basically like I did the week after I had my catheter out. I'm leakier than I was a week ago and have pain in my pelvic floor and near my bladder. I'm also guilty of not being as faithful to my Kegel exercises as I should be. I'm making a vow now to better about this and not push myself too hard. This weekend is all about rest! Oh and I get to meet a friend from Facebook that had the same surgery and has been a great friend and mentor during this. It will be wonderful to put a live person to my online friend.